Sugabetic

While chatting with a friend last night, they asked where did I get my flower design from? Had I gotten it from somewhere else or was it one I made? Then, I thought that maybe some other people were wondering too. So, I thought I’d explain it here in a post.

I made it with Photoshop. I was looking for something that would be my “icon” or representation of my blog. I knew I wanted a flower, but I wanted something that was more than just a simple, one or two color, standard pink flower. So, I actually combined three flowers into one. Why? Because it represents the three most important areas of my life to me. All three making up who I am. Making me… me.

The green represents health. When I think of “healthy”, it’s something that is alive and thriving. Most plant life, when alive and healthy, is green. I am alive, and for the most part, I am healthy. I used not to really care about my health. But since starting my blog, my health has become one of the most important things to me. I am careful about what I do to myself, and I do the best I can at taking care of my health.

The periwinkle – blueish color (not quite sure what it is, really) reminds me of the flowers that bloom in the spring. Spring means new life. That periwinkle means life to me. A new beginning. This blog has really opened me up about who I am as a person and a diabetic. It has helped me get out all the old feelings of loneliness, my own “winter”, and has helped me come alive. This blog is my personal Spring.

And, last, but not least, the light blue. It’s not the exact blue of the “World Diabetes Day” circle, but it’s close enough for me. This blog, of course, is about my diabetes. It is a part of my life. So, why wouldn’t it be a part of my flower?

All of these colors make up one flower as a whole. A diabetic with a new beginning focused on being as healthy as possible.

Okay, corniness over.

Tonight started out great. Got off work, did my normal Friday after-work activities, and then went to the gym.

As always, I checked my sugar before and decreased my basal rate. Bg was 105, so I decreased it to -75%. I signed in and started my normal routine. Cardio is first. So I started out on the bike, did my time and moved to the “wave”. It’s this wonderful machine that’s like a ski/skating motion that works out your thighs and butt (which I NEED!).

I was over half way done and things started looking weird. There were white spots everywhere. I stopped feeling my legs. The sound coming from my headphones suddenly sounded loud and I wasn’t understanding what was being said. I stopped breathing normally. I got off the Wave immediately and went to the locker room to check my bg. I keep my meter supplies and glucose tabs in my bag in my locker. I sat on the the bench and waited for the magic number. Guessing it would be about 50-ish.

NOPE! 37… 3-7! I had to look twice to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I grabbed the glucose tab bottle and poured out 4 and called my husband. He talked to me for a while to make sure I didn’t pass out. Mainly because by that time, I was so weak from the low AND the workout that I was afraid I would. I told him how low I was and he asked if I had anything to eat, and I answered “yes” with a mouth full of glucose tabs. He said he was about an hour away from being home and asked if I was going to be okay.

That did it. Here came the water-works. Okay?? Of course I’d recover from the low, but emotionally, no, I was NOT okay. I broke down and sobbed like a baby. I was SO glad no one came in. All I wanted was to be normal. I wanted to be able to go to the gym, workout, and leave and not worry about what my sugar was doing. All I wanted was someone who would really understand.

I signed out and left after my sugar seemed to be coming up. I told my husband to call his sister and let her know I was on my way and that if I wasn’t there in 30 minutes, to call him back. Even though I was low, I was upset that I was having to leave and couldn’t finish. It was the first time since starting the gym that I could not finish my workout. I was SO upset! I HATED diabetes!!!!

I tweeted what happened and got a lot of support and well wishes, which I’m so thankful for. My friend, George (ninjabetic) gave me a big ninja-hug. Now, I know it wasn’t a real, physical hug, but at that moment it was the best hug I had ever gotten. It was exactly what I needed.

So, my workout tonight was great, just incomplete. Thanks, diabetes. Once again, you remind me just how unnormal I am. But I am not going to let tonight stop me. I will be back again tomorrow. I will NOT be defeated!

A little sweetness for breakfast. D365-23,
originally uploaded by Sugabetic.

Today, I had planned on eating a healthy breakfast of apple and granola, but my boss brought me a yummy cinnamon and raisin biscuit from Hardees as an apology for leaving me by myself yesterday. How could I resist????? I hadn’t had something this wonderfully sweet in weeks and this was just the thing to keep me from breaking and giving in. And to boot, it was only 7 WeightWatchers points. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, 7 points coulda went to something MUCH healthier, but this was worth it. It’s not like I eat it every morning. It was nice to have a little surprise.

Speaking of WeightWatchers, today was my day to weigh in. I’ve lost another 2 pounds! In total, I have lost 5.2 pounds to be exact. See, when I started this, I was (can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I’m being 100% honest in this blog…) 166 lbs. After much figuring and number crunching, my ideal weight without being super skinny and to put me at my wedding weight is 140. So, I really had a goal to lose 26 pounds.. but I rounded down and posted the “Lose 25 lbs” goal. Last week was a loss of 2.8 lbs and this week was 2.4. I know its a lot to lose fast, so I’m hoping that maybe it will slow down because I know it can’t be healthy.

Good news is, my insulin need has decreased 20% across the board and during workouts, it’s down 70%. My carb ratios and correction factor hasn’t changed yet, but I don’t really know if that does change. I can’t remember, to be honest.

Check back next week for another update!

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”
Bill Cosby

I love reading quotes. I was reading through “success” quotes today trying to find one that would stick out in my mind when I’m working out at the gym. It’s one thing to start something and be completely in love with it, and another to keep up with it when the new has worn off and the fire is dying down.

Yesterday was the first day I really didn’t want to finish my workout. I don’t know why. My legs were killing me and I just didn’t want to do it. But I kept reminding myself of why I was here in the first place. I am here to lose weight. I am here to reduce my daily insulin needs. I am here to be as healthy as physically possible for a diabetic. I am here to become as healthy as I possibly can be to carry a child when the time comes.

When reading this quote, it spoke to me. My desire to be successful in being healthy and fit should be greater than my fear of giving up. And to a point, it is. My only other fear is that I will get to a point that I just don’t care and those things that drove me to take care of myself won’t matter as much. I’ll convince myself that I wasn’t that bad off. I wasn’t on a lot of insulin… I didn’t weigh too much… I was fat ‘n happy with a great A1c, enjoying all my rich foods, and dieting sucks. Of course, this frame of mind usually sets in when I’ve hit a plateau and my weight won’t go down for a few weeks.

The only thing that is different this time around is the responsibility I have to you guys. I know there are people out there cheering me on (like George, Stacey and Cherise) and that are proud of me for taking this bull by the horns and doing something about it. I’m no longer working out and trying to be a better diabetic just for me, but for them too. “Lead by example” is another quote that is used a lot. I want to be that person. Not necessarily a leader, but to be the example. The example to diabetics (all diabetics, not just Type 1) that being healthy as you can be can be done, no matter how hard it seems to be.

I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I want to be an example of success. That is my motivation.

Hey guys! I re-made my little widget on the side so I can easily update what my status in weight loss is. It’s now up on the right-hand side so you can see it. I’m hoping that it will help me be accountable and keep up with the workouts and better eating habits.

I have been to the gym every day except this past Sunday (I was running a fever from my cold). I will have to admit, it’s a lot of work, but once I get there, I love it. I get into this zone where I try to forget about everything going on outside of those doors and concentrate on myself. I HAVE to get myself to a healthy weight again. There’s no if’s, and, or but’s about it. I am miserable right now.

My meeting with the nutritionist there went okay. I question a lot of things she said, but am willing to try some new things. I understand I need to eat healthier, but some things she said, I didn’t agree with. One being that diabetics should steer clear of tropical fruits, like mangos, kiwi, and a few other ones she mentioned. I know they are high on the glycemic index and affect our blood sugar just as if we ate pure sugar, but most of us also know that there won’t be as bad of a spike if we pre-bolus far enough ahead to combat this. She also was going over meal examples and at one point she was going to suggest dark chocolate, I guess as a dessert for supper, but she stopped herself and said “Oh no, wait, you can’t do that, you’re diabetic…” and proceeded to backspace it out of the meal example sheet. This, in a way, made me mad. I know with me being on a diet, I have to limit sugar intake, but being diabetic doesn’t rule sugar out of my diet completely. I do have a knowledge of what chocolate can do to my blood sugar and I know how to combat it. And it’s not like I eat a Snickers bar every single day or something. I will enjoy a little dessert of maybe a few (few meaning 3 or 4) Hershey’s Kisses or maybe a fun-size Snickers or Butterfinger bar after supper occasionally, but that’s it. Never more than 10g of carb. It just surprises me how some people still believe that diabetics cannot have sugar. It definitely surprises me coming from her.

Not so say that everything she said was totally wrong. I have stopped eating so much red meat (used to be almost every night) and have opted for chicken or turkey. All breads and pastas in my house are how whole wheat, and I have taken a liking to granola with yogurt for breakfast. Biggest hurdle is the veggies. I have never been a veggie eater, but I am willing to try to do better and eat them. I am going to try to cook healthier meals, and actually take the time to make them. I have a bad habit of not wanting to cook healthy stuff because it takes too long. It’s easy to throw a pizza in the oven or make hamburger helper. That’s got to change. I’ve got to do better. Not only for me, but for the hubby too. I am drinking a LOT more water now as well. I’m down to one 20oz caffeinated beverage (usually Diet Mountain Dew) and the rest is water. I have a 1 liter bottle that I try to drink and refill and drink by the end of the day.

I do notice that I feel better since doing all of this. I have more energy to get through the day, which in part is because I’m sleeping better. And, to top it all off, since starting the gym, I have lost 2 pounds! YEY for me! I’m hoping its in a good way and I’m burning fat and it’s not just water-weight though. I’m meeting with the trainer again on Tuesday for my second assessment and I am hoping to have my workout changed a little bit. I’ll write and give you guys an update Wednesday (hopefully).

I was contemplating this morning of joining Weight Watchers again. My subscription ran out in December, or so I thought. I was thinking of how great it would be to track my foods and exercise again, but didn’t know if I really wanted to pay that much for the 3 month sign up again. Well, to my surprise, when I was paying bills and looking through my bank acocunt online, they already drafted for January! I forgot that after the 3 months, it then becomes a monthly thing and they draft your account until you tell them to stop! So, yey! I don’t have to sign up again! I have already added the app back to my iPhone.

I am hoping I will be a good girl and start eating right again. My weakness? Cereals and sweets. Especially Frosted Flakes! Oh. My. Gosh! I dropped low this weekend and, no lie, I ate 3 bowls of this stuff! I cannot let it in my sight! And, of course, sweet things like candy and cakes. Virtual sweets are accepted though, as Sarah Jane and I shared this morning. No fat, no calories, no points.. just 100% goodness!

Hopefully I will be able to stick with it and use all these tools to help me with my weight loss. I can track the treadmill time, but not sure how to track the weights. I may just leave it out so it will be a bonus for me!

Yesterday was my assessment day at the gym. It wasn’t quite what I thought it would be. I thought they were going to test my endurance and stuff. Nope. It was just to get my weight, height, BP, and body fat percentage. So, after plugging in all the numbers, the little “smart” machine said I was pre-hypertensive (my bp was 128/78! Mine is NEVER over 117/70-ish unless I’m sick!) and moderately obese (thanks to the extra 23 pounds it says I’m carrying!). I wasn’t too happy with that. Especially since my assessment dude was a really buff-lookin’ guy. I really wish that I had gotten a woman to do the assessment. But sometimes embarrassment is the best motivation.

After getting all my figures calculated, the machine got me started on a program. “Lean Program for Beginners” I think is what it was called. I was given a round of cardio and body weights. The cardio was not what I  expected. I thought I’d be on the treadmill not being able to keep up. Nope. Instead, when I plugged my key in, It wanted me to walk for 20 minutes at 0.9 miles per hour and 0% incline! That’s SLOW! I really felt bad then! I honestly thought to myself, “How out-of-shape does that machine think I am?” Thank goodness you can change the settings. I bumped it up to my normal 3.0 mi/hr at a 1% incline for 30 minutes.

Then came the body weights. I was doing pretty good until we got to the shoulder stuff. That’s what’s killing me this morning. I could take the stomach curler, bicep curl, and all that stuff, but it’s the shoulder press that really got me! I can do everything else, I especially love the leg pushes (except for the fact that I’m a little short for the meter. It doesn’t think I’m doing full reps, but I am. I can’t help that God made me on the short side!). 

All in all, it takes about an hour to do the full workout if you are able to go from one machine to the other. It took me a little longer last night because sometimes someone was using the machine I needed. (There’s a few machines that they only have one of.) I am just excited to be able to have a full gym close by that has great equipment and that can set you up on a personal plan instead of one you join and you just pick and choose what to use, not having any idea what you’re doing.

Best thing about it to me though was that I was able to keep a great bg through the workout and ended up with a 97 bg by the end! Whoohooo!!!

They also have classes you can take. There’s one that’s a Latin dance / exercise class that looks REALLY fun. I may try that next week in place of a workout. We’ll see!

So, yesterday I went to the gym for the first time. I vlogged about it when I got home:

(Here’s the link to the video if you can’t see it above: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJyKiTmnSdg)

The smart card/key I was telling you about is this thing:

It’s pretty big.

I called today to see if I could reschedule my assessment for a sooner date. I was willing to change lunch hours with someone to get this thing done. My fear is that if I wait too long, I won’t do it. I am a quitter, most of the time. But I am anxious to get in better health than I am. I am sick of all the insulin that I am taking. It seems I take so much more than a lot of my online friends and it worries me. Not just that I’m taking more, but it’s more of an artificial medication. I hate being sick. I hate being overweight. I am ready to do what is needed to be healthier again as I was before I was married. And no, getting married in general has nothing to do with it, just that I didn’t have a motivator anymore. I didn’t need to fit into my dress anymore, so I didn’t care about working out. I got lazy and quit.

My motivator this time? To be the healthiest I can possibly be before pregnancy. My goal is to lose at least 20 pounds by June. That’s 5 months to lose at LEAST 20 pounds. Yes, that may not seem like much (1 pound per week), but it’s a start. If I lose it faster than 5 months, then great. If not, oh well. I’m not going to pressure myself as much as I used to. I’m not going to put myself in a time restraint with an unattainable goal.

My assessment time was moved to tomorrow night after work. I am going to start with taking measurements and pictures tomorrow after my assessment so I’ll have a definate starting point. Now, if only I could find a buddy to help me be accountable to, I’ll be doing great. I may ask my mom-in-law to help.  I’ll post tomorrow when I come home to keep you updated!

*This isn’t a diabetes-related post, but something I wanted to share with you guys.*

If you see a little skunk pop up on my blog page from time to time, don’t worry. There is a story behind it….

While talking with my sister over Facebook chat tonight, we were talking about a discussion that came up in her Sunday School lesson. It was about how there are two different kinds of people when it comes to difficult situations: There are the rabbits – people who run and scamper away from confrontations with others. Then, there are the skunks. They are cautious, but they “handle” the situation when confronted. You cross their territory, and you’d better be ready to take what the skunk can dish right back to you.

My sister and I are a lot alike in some ways, but not when handling situations. We are opposite ends of the pole. She is the rabbit. I love her to death, but she can’t handle confrontation very well. She would rather it not happen. She will do anything in her power to avoid it and never let someone who has hurt her know that they have wronged her. I, on the other hand, am the opposite. I am one that you can hang around and test me, but I will let you know in a hurry where I stand and won’t mind it at all. I have often been accused of being too honest sometimes. I get this from my dad, and have tried “toning it down a bit”, but sometimes, it shows through.

While we were continuing in our conversation, it reminded me of when I was younger and my little brother was just learning our names. For the life of me, I don’t know why he couldn’t say “Sarah”, but he could say “Flower”.  So, for a while, my name to him was Flower. Don’t hold me to it, but I think it was my mom that made the reference to “Flower”, the skunk, in Bambi when all of this was going on. I was reminded of this tonight when my sister and I were talking about the whole rabbit-skunk discussion. I got quite a laugh to myself when putting all of this together because it was just today that I remembered the whole Bambi-Flower incident because I was searching for flower clipart and this cute little picture came up. So, my nickname will either be “Flower” or “Skunk” now. I told my sister that from now on, her nickname for me to call her will be “Rabbit”. (That reminds me, I gotta change that in my iPhone when I get done).  Or I’ll just pick and call her Thumper from time to time. We’ll see.

Valentines Hearts 2,
originally uploaded by Sugabetic.

So, the new year brings new resolutions. Most people say they’ll diet, cut back on a bad habit like smoking or drinking, they’ll get to the gym, that kind of thing. My resolution was that I was going to cut out as many sweets, work out a little more, and actually try to keep my house clean. I won’t say that I will work out 3 or 5 times a week, because I’ll never stick to it. I’m just going to do the best that I can.
While walking through our local dollar store, we walked to the Valentine’s Day section. Why, I do not know, but it was a mistake. Why? Because of these little candies. Conversation hearts have been my downfall of diabetic control since I first ate them when I was little. For about a month that these things are available, I will eat them every day. Bad, bad, bad! I know! But they are just soooo good!
I read the label last night (yeah, I know, kinda late to be reading it NOW, right?), and they equal about 1g of carb for each one of these little suckers! So, I am going to try to have enough self-control to only eat 10-15 at the time and then cut myself off.
Will I stick to it? I don’t know. But I am hoping that now since I am freakishly obsessive over my glucose levels that it will be enough to keep me from going overboard with them.